Do you know someone in your life that is without ego? They are a rare breed, and because of their sense of humility, they tend to camouflage themselves.
For me, that person is my mother. In the beginning, her sacrifice was with her body. She was growing her children in the womb and bringing them into this world. Making sure they were cared for and loved. Motherhood was a role she flourished in, a complete nurturing package.
She has always has had a fantastic ability to listen. She never tries to interrupt your story, add her commentary, or add a story of her own, overshadowing your point. The sad part is, she will often allow herself to be interrupted. It is an entirely selfless act because she cares about what your thoughts and feelings are over her own.
My mother has never asked for anything. Even when her birthday or Christmas rolls around, asking her what she wants is a dead end. She will defer, “I’ll let you know.” Probably thinking that we will forget to ask again.
She has always worked hard to give my brother and me everything. She wanted to provide us with what we wished for; no matter how superficial our list was, she yearned to provide us with our heart’s desire. She has given herself to those she loves, especially her children.
If I had the power to take away her biggest heartbreak, the loss of my brother — I would.
If only I could have seen my mother in the past, full of hope and wonder as she held her perfect little boy’s hands. To be filled with such promise for his future when he was a baby. Wondering what his destiny would be. His potential was limitless.
On that horrible day, as I watched her bend over his lifeless body, she looked into his eyes. Even though he was a young man now, I am sure she saw a flash of the past, her baby boy, who was now gone. No way for us to bring him back. Through her tears, she took his hand, and she used her other hand to close his eyes. Forever putting her baby to sleep.
I have had many nightmares and fears of something happening to my child, and I will never understand her loss — the loss of a child. I often watch my daughter as she sleeps, looking at how perfect and peaceful she is, a brand new person who has not experienced the world’s viciousness. I will hold her perfect little hands and cup her beautiful porcelain face, praying she won’t have to experience any tragedy in her life.
My mother has not let this tragedy harden her soul. She always taught us that no matter how tough life gets, tomorrow will always be better. I can’t imagine how many tomorrows she has held on for, waiting for the day when her heart could beat again.
Maybe one day, waking up and realizing this was all a bad dream. While the nightmare of being without her son on our Earth continues, she is still present and gives herself to those she loves, especially her newest granddaughter.
What I can give to my mother is the gift of legacy. While nothing can replace her son, she has the opportunity for a second chance. Our entire family does. To see life renew itself. Through grief, we can find a blessing. New life brings us renewed hope.
I hope to follow in the loving and selfless footsteps of my mother. Her actions have set an example to follow as a woman, wife, and mother.
Mommy, I thank you for the life you have given me, your endless caretaking. I thank you for nurturing my desires and the passions I have chosen to pursue.
Whenever life gets challenging or stressful, I always seek your comfort. No one can ever give me the love you have provided or compare to you. Thank you for being by my side, selflessly giving yourself to my endeavors. I love you, mom.
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